I remember a time, so long ago, that I actually felt happy. Why can't I feel happy anymore? It seems like there is one thing after another that keeps happening that makes me feel miserable. Why can't my life be normal? Why can't my life just be peaceful and without hurt and pain? I live everyday, not even wanting to get out of bed, because I don't want to face what's coming-hurt, anxiety, uncertainty. I hate the people who are making me feel this way. I hate the people who have done so many unexcusable things to our family that it makes me not want to enjoy life. Because I really don't enjoy life anymore. Most of the time, I want to die. I keep thinking my life would be better off if I did die. At least then I won't have to face the present hurt and the hurt that I know is to come. Because so much hurt is coming; I feel it. This isn't the end of the hurt, this is only the beginning. I don't know how much longer it will be before healing can begin. I don't think I will make it until that time.
