He treats me diffrently. Were not talking like we like eachother, we talk like were friends and i like it that way, oh so i thought. I am confused. One side of me wants to just be friends because he is not my type and it would never work out between us, but the other side of me wants to explore those feelings.
I am afraid.
Afraid of regection,
Of getting hurt.
Ive been through this before, i dont like getting hurt, no one does but somehow its diffrent this time. I can't stay mad at him for too long and i constantly have to talk to him. This is bad. i have officially opend myself up and i can not go back. I try and expiate myself, tell myself i wont talk to him for the day, but i can't do it. Its getting harder not to talk to him. I think im acually starting to like him more than just a friend.
I find myself getting mad when he talks about other girls around me or when he brings up my bestfriend and says " shes cool peoples".
He doesn't look at me that way and i know it.
So why even try?
Sometimes i have the feeling that i like getting emotionally hurt, i like feeling pain and not being happy. All my life i have been unhappy with my image and no one has ever looked at me in a way more than just friendship, so why start now.
I bring my hopes up, knowing i will go crashing down to the ground i still do it.
Why?
I wish i knew the answer, im so strange when it comes to men. Im friendly, I Flirt, then push them away because of regection.
It always comes down to that.
Afraid of regection.
Hes not for me i know it, but it feels good to wake up in the morning for a reason again, but i know that soon ill be stuck in a cycle,
the ending result always the same
I never get what i want.
I will always life in fear of regection.
